Paralysis
by strawberriez8800
Summary: Finnick/Katniss — We'll be alright, someday.


_Note: Mockingjay spoilers ahead_

* * *

**Paralysis**

_We'll be alright, someday._**  
**

* * *

"We lost them."

I hear those words come out of Haymitch's mouth and the world stops spinning. I stand there, paralysed, as my brain slowly processes each word, taking in the full force each one has shaken up. A million thoughts start to fly through my befuddled mind, trying to rack up the most likely scenario. How did we lose them? The soldiers trained for hours every day just for this mission. It was supposed to be _faultless._

"What do you mean 'we lost them'?" I ask warily, watching Haymitch's face contorting into a strange expression. If I didn't know better, I'd think it is sorrow that I see reflecting in his eyes, but it's _Haymitch _and sorrow just doesn't register in his radar anymore.

He turns away from me and Finnick, staring at the blank wall of the empty conference room. He heaves a sigh before answering the inevitable question. "The team managed to get Peeta and the others out of their confinements, but it seems like the Capitol somehow foresaw the rescue and blocked off the escape routes using their most powerful mutts. We lost communication with them since then."

A strangled sob escapes me as I crumple onto my knees. My heart seems to give out and my breaths are coming short and fast.

With a savage growl, Finnick lunges at Haymitch and clutch the collar of the older man's shirt. Haymitch, being too slow to retaliate, is caught by Finnick's furious grasp. "What did you just do? You let them die! You let _Annie _die!" He screams in desperation, hot tears pooling in his see green eyes.

Haymitch escapes Finnick's hold and snarls back at him. "No one _let _them die, Finnick! We tried everything possible to restore contact, but nothing worked." He takes a deep breath and recomposes himself. "President Coin and Plutarch are now discussing the next step of this operation. Right now, we have to stay put until further orders are given."

At last, I find my voice and rise to my feet. "Isn't it obvious that we have to send more reinforcements? It is possible they're being held prisoner right now! We still have a chance!" Despite my words, optimism shrinks within me as seconds tick by. Knowing President Snow, he'd want them torn to shreds just to prove his might to the Mockingjay.

"Katniss, stop lying to yourself. You should know there's no point in sending a rescue team. The same disaster will repeat itself. We cannot afford to lose more soldiers at this point."

"You'd rather have them killed by Snow, then?" Tears are flowing out of my eyes now. "You're a murderer, Haymitch." I say the last words as coldly as I can.

In fact, they are dead and no one is to be blamed but the Capitol. I know it, Finnick knows it, and Haymitch knows it.

Somehow, it makes everything so much worse.

* * *

Days drag on and on without news. Mum and Prim are rarely present anymore because of their vital role in the hospital. I often wander into Special Defence, half expecting to see Gale and Beetee designing new traps and weapons. Every time I see Gale's absence, raw agony stabs my heart. Peeta's death is no easier to deal with, either. He had saved me countless times ever since that night at the bakery and I never had the opportunity to repay him.

The first few days, I found myself craving for Finnick's company. Maybe it's because he is the only one who understands how I feel. So, after a few nights haunted by the dead, I seek comfort in Finnick's arms. The nightmares soothe a little since then, but I always catch Finnick sobbing in his sleep, crying out Annie's name. I would nudge him awake to help him escape the pain and we would drown ourselves in each other's touch, hoping to distract ourselves from grief.

Each day is painful, but we survive, just barely. We are broken and unstable, but we hold the other together when insanity threatens to take over. Sometimes, we find ourselves weeping in each other's arms in a world we have nothing else to live for.

One time, I seriously consider taking my own life for the easy way out, but Finnick rushes in at the last minute, yelling and shaking me over and over again. "What are you doing, Katniss? Don't even _think _about it. I won't let you!" He snarls, green orbs enraged and glistening. There is more emotion I see in the depths of his eyes than I've ever seen since the failure of the mission.

When I ask why he even bothers, he says nothing and crushes me to his chest, holding me tightly as if the gesture itself can keep me together. Without warning, I break down in his arms. I keep saying that he should just let me go if he cares, but he never releases me.

And so, I ask him to give me one reason to keep living in this cruel world.

"Live for me, Katniss," he says. All of a sudden, he almost appears to be embarrassed. "That sounds stupid, I know, but for now that will have to do. _Please_. If we don't give up, we _will _find a new cause to live for, trust me."

I look up to his eyes, seeing the iron hard conviction in them; Finnick really does believe in what he's saying. For that, I envy him more than he can ever imagine. I stare into them for a very long time until they are permanently inked into my mind. Finally, I close my eyes and wrap my arms around him. Guilt abruptly eats away in my chest as I squeeze him tight. How could I be so selfish as to leave him alone in this desolated world? He _needs _me, and the least I can do is to be there for him. Perhaps that is exactly what I will do.

"Okay," I whisper. "I'll try. I promise."

We'll be alright, someday.


End file.
